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    September 2007
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  • What I said before

Right now and probably for the next few weeks…

I HATE MY NEIGHBORHOOD…I mean H.A.T.E. it… We have been compared to Wisteria Lane and Stepford…of which we are like neither..but we are closer then a lot of neighbors and I like that sense of community and safety that we look out for watch other. If someone is out of town the garbage is taken out for them and the paper and mail is collected. We watch each others children when we are outside and keep moms and dads in the loop if something is going on. If a box is delivered when someone is out of town one of us brings it in. We shovel for each other in the winter and lend snowblowers to each other. It is a good place to live….

For me and mine right now…we would like to live somewhere else…

We have a neighbor who has a pool…they are usually in the pool themselves and not very often do they invite others over….but there are occasions when they do and that is always fun. The others of us always tease about being invited to the “C’s” country club..usually it is never more then one family invited at a time. There are a few children in the neighborhood that will stand at the fence to the C’s country club and almost beg to be invited…I DO NOT allow Spencer to do that ever…it is rude and desperate. Now, let me clarify right now that I in no way think my child should be invited to everything all the time. There are times and places for friends to get together and that is good for me. I don’t expect if some of the others in the neighborhood go out together that I should be invited…..but I digress..today was a lazier day…we had gone biking at Independence Grove, well the boys biked I read a magazine…we went to lunch and home…Griffin went down for a nap and some of the children were outside playing. We started to work on the turrets for the birthday party painting and such. Spencer was playing in the front yard with some of the older boys and his friend in his grade. C’s boy was playing across the street with another boys and invited him LOUDLY into the pool. I told Spencer and his friend that I would get the sprinkler out and the slip and slide they were excited. His friend went home to ask and Spencer got ready. Well, while he was doing that his friend was at home being told that he could play for a half hour with Spencer but then he was invited to the C’s pool. That would have been OK with Spencer but the dad did not stick to his rule and let the friend go straight to the pool…Spencer was sooo hurt..no friends, no one likes him the whole thing…you moms know how it goes…the pain the crying…so now for the full effect…every child that was playing outside is now in the pool EXCEPT SPENCER…he is crushed…how does a mom handle this…I felt so awful my stomach was in knots.

I thought that most of these people were true friends…how and why would a friend treat another friends child with such disrespect. There will be a million and one excuses I will have to hear them all including the well he can’t always be invited…it is just so hard to be friends after something like this happens. Spencer was so hurt and there was NOTHING that I could do NOTHING… and of course if they came over right now and asked him in he would be livid with me because I would have to say no…then I am the bad guy and I so would rather be the bad guy over him feeling like he does no friends no one likes him…and all that…literally MY HEART WAS BREAKING right with his… as a mom all I wanted to do was make it better and all I could do was cry along with him.

Richard says I am too invested in this…that yes, he is angry too, there is nothing we can do. I said we can do what we can do to protect him form this happening again. I know I can’t protect him from it all but this was a tough one for him and for me. I think we are going to really pull back from the hood for awhile…we are going to change scout troops so that Spencer is not with his friend from here…we are going to do more play dates with him inviting friends from school and other activities he is involved in. Things will change…we will be involved in this neighborhood but not like we were this was a big disappointment for us all. What is disappointing mostly for me now is that I have to really think hard about the friendships that I thought I had here…re-evaluate…time will tell…

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6 Responses

  1. ALL of those parents of those kids ought to be ashamed of themselves…not juts the owners of the pool. Someone, anyone should have spoken up.

    I’m sorry that Spence, and you, were so hurt by this. People just don’t think.

  2. that was my thought too…someone should have said something…the one who owns the pool should have known we were out there since we were out there when they came home…and her DH was mowing lawn and certainly he could have spoke up…I am really furious with the’ A’ family though.

  3. neighborhoods with lots of kids can be a blessing and a curse.

    i’ve been thru this with my older kids and know it will happen again with the girls.

    it’s not easy and yes, it breaks your heart to watch your child be hurt.

    the only thing you can do is to teach your kids to remember how it feels to be left out (or teased, or bullied) and determine that they will never make someone else feel that way.

    character development comes the hard way with the hard stuff. what a blessing that you are home with your boys, to help them navigate this stuff.

    please kiss your sweet son on the neck for me!

    p.s. sending you a hug too… a mama’s heart is a tender but strong thing – it aches and breaks, but swells with love and joy too!!

  4. We have the same tight neighborhood and my heart would be breaking too. Both for my child and for myself. I bend over backwards to make sure I never exclude a child and if I did, I hope someone lets me know so I can apologize and try and make it right with the child. I am so sorry.

  5. Wow, sorry guys. That sucks!

    If I lived next door I would help you get back at all those families… we would show them a thing or two for excluding a great kid like Spencer!

    I bet one of those kids peed in the pool.

  6. How have things in the ‘hood been since this happened? Quieter because school started?

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