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    February 2009
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  • What I said before

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I love my mother to death…

…but sometimes she really pisses me off…I am over it…it did not last long..but man…she can grate on me…I guess that is a mothers job to some degree…I am certain that my boys would and do say the same things about me (or will very soon).

I had the gall to talk to her a little bit about my situation with N and ‘my discoveries’.  She went right into mother mode, trying to tell me, her 46 year old daughter, what to do and not to do. After her initial ‘scolding’ she tamed herself down and made such statements as, ‘I know we don’t agree on a lot of things about adoption’, and ‘I know that your situation is different from mine’ (ya think? for pete sake my brother is going to be 41 this year!) and just a bunch of other things before letting me get a word in edge wise.  I think what really threw her off is that I said that Spencer has a half sister out there somewhere.  (FYI, in case anyone forgot, so does Griffin and she had issue when I talked about that too) How about,” he already has so many people that love him” cause more loving him is a bad thing? She is worried about D and her entire family and what they will think…. She doesn’t want me to,”complicate Spencer’s little life any more”, her words not mine. I get where she is coming from, I do understand her, we have the same feelings about these things…I think I have a more educated view, and again, a totally different situation then she and my dad had when they adopted my brother.  Times are different. So for now I have satisfied her that I am just talking to our SW at The Cradle. The most I am interested in right now is to see if he wants pictures and a bit of information about how Spencer is and what he likes and such.  I am not giving out our names or address or anything else. I am not agreeing to meet him or talk to him on the phone even.  I explained to her that if I do nothing with this information and do not make an attempt at involving him even a little bit, then I did not do all I could do for Spencer. I could not tell him someday that I did what I could.  I can not make someone do something they don’t want to do.   If I do this and N closes us off, then, well, I tried.  I will leave it with N that if he ever changes his mind and does want pictures he should contact The Cradle.  I think my mom is good with that. For now….I do not know how much my SIL reads here anymore but I am sure she would tell you this is my mom’s style.

So for now we wait.  I talk to our social worker tomorrow and we start a conversation…let’s see where it goes. Sorry mom…I know it is not what you really deep inside think is right. Sometimes a grown woman makes decisions for herself…


2 Responses

  1. Just stopping by to say that I’ve been following along, just not a lot of time to comment!

    Hang in there. You are doing all the right things and Spencer will appreciate it!

  2. Listen Stalker….okay kidding….

    Seriously. I think it is a great idea to have contact if his biological dad wants it too. I am glad you are going to get the ball moving because life happens. You know DD’s Bio Dad was killed in a car accident when she was what 1 1/2 or 2 years old. All I have are a few pictures of the time they had together. I have plenty of nice things to tell her about him, and we are close with his Mom, but it would have been nice for him to know her and for her to know him.

    I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor. hang in there with your Mom.

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