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    February 2009
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  • What I said before

his time may have come….

yesterday we had a strange hang up call from Richards dad on our voice mail.  Richard called him back last night and he said all he wanted to do was wish him a happy birthday because he had forgotten to.  It was a nice gesture and appreciated by Richard. He and his father have not always had a good relationship.   It still could be a whole lot better, but it is what it is. His father and I on the other hand tolerate each other.  He and I do not have an relationship except for that limited contact because of Richard. His dad has said mean and hateful things about me and to me and really I just have place for that venom in my life. Being the bigger person, I go to his home and encourage his second oldest child to have some sort of relationship with him.  I feel that is all I am required to do. Once the boys were born, then my roll changed a bit because after all he is their grandpa. But our relationship remained unchanged.

The phone call ended last night with his dad saying that he has lost control of some of his bodily functions.  He has been quite ill for some time.  They have no money his wife works two jobs and he spends his days in front of the television in a recliner unable to do anything for himself.  He lives in Florida. He can not walk without falling has very limited eyesight and huge “I never took care of myself for my entire life” issues with his body.  Diabetes, way overweight, just always been very unhealthy and abusive to his body. This morning Richard’s older brother calls and says that dad is not doing well he says he is ready to give in. His wife is with him but he thinks that Richard should contact his dad again today. I wonder if his brother called Richard’s two sisters too asking them to call his dad? I called Richard at work told him what his brother said and will let him make the decision to call his dad or not.

Now we have the unfortunate decision as to how to handle this with the boys. Of course if he passes away we will go to Florida and there will be a funeral and we will be there. The boys have not had some one close to them die though they have talked with us about it before. We talk about Grandpa Ray and Grandma Lynne a lot and what death is and means. I guess I am just not sure that I want to tell them before he passes and give them the opportunity to talk to their grandpa one last time. I think I would rather just let the cards fall the way they will.

Ok so that is what I have for now…

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One Response

  1. *bigbighug* for all of you–that’s really rough. please keep us updated.

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